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I had an unpleasant encounter while out grocery shopping and running errands yesterday that has really got me thinking about how we treat each other. It was upsetting, and as a middle school teacher who is used to being around people who don’t always behave respectfully, I am wondering why this one negative encounter hit me so hard.

I have a broken key fob. The plastic is cracked, so when I turn the ignition, it feels like the fob is just going to break off sometime soon. I need to get it fixed or replaced.

Saturday is grocery shopping and errand day in my house, so it was on my list to stop at our local shop that sells every kind of battery and light bulb one might need. They also specialize in key fob replacement and programming according to what I had heard from others.

I arrived at the store, and my car was only the second one in the parking lot. I walked inside and saw a man standing at the counter in front of a couple of computer screens. I could feel the negative energy in the room the second I walked in, and this man looked angry and busy, so I scanned the rest of the counter to look for someone else to help me. There was no one else there, so when the man looked up, we made eye contact, and he glared at me. He didn’t verbally greet me in any way. He just opened his eyes wide, raised his eyebrows, lifted his shoulders in what must have been the universal body language for, “What the F*** do you want?”

I smiled at him because that’s what I do, and I stepped forward and showed him my broken key fob and asked if they fixed those. He said three words to me in what I can only describe as an angry, clipped growl. “No. We. Don’t.”

I could read that he was done talking with me, and there was no point in me trying to question him further. I said, “Ok, thank you!” as cheerfully as I could, and I turned and walked out before the situation could get worse.

As I was pulling out of my parking spot, I noticed one of the only signs posted in the window, and it read, “We repair, replace, and program key fobs.” Or something like that. I also saw another man come out of the back room inside, and he started talking to the angry man. I briefly thought of going back into the store to talk to the other man about what had just happened, and to inquire about why they were advertising key fob replacement but couldn’t seem to help me with mine.  But it didn’t feel safe, so I drove to my next stop which was the liquor store. I wasn’t going there because of what just happened. It was just the next stop. We were out of gin.

When I got to the liquor store parking lot, I Googled the battery store and found their phone number. I called, and I could tell that it was the other man who had been in the back who answered because his voice was different and somewhat friendly. I told him I had just been there a few minutes prior and was told that they don’t fix key fobs, but when I left, I noticed posters all over the windows saying that they do. I told him I was confused by that. He said they don’t fix them, but they do program them.

Ok. So, then I told him that while I was there, I was treated very rudely. He asked what happened and who treated me that way, and I told him. He said he was sorry that happened and that he would “deal with him.” He also said, “That’s what baseball bats are for.” I’m sure he was joking, but I had said my piece, so I was ready to move on with my life.

I got a call a few minutes later while I was in the grocery store from the battery store’s number. I picked up expecting a forced apology from the angry man. But instead, it sounded like the other guy who must have been the boss, and he asked for someone named Janet something. I told him he had the wrong number, and he apologized and hung up.

As I continued through the rest of my shopping, I noticed that one negative experience really bothered me. I could feel that I was dysregulated because I kept replaying the events in my mind as I was walking through the aisles. I was angry, saddened, distracted, and I could kind of feel my insides shaking.

I tried to shake it off. Everyone else I encountered that day was kind and friendly. The liquor store guy, the guy in front of me in line at the liquor store, strangers smiling in passing, the butcher, and the checker at the grocery store. Kindness. That is what I was used to.

So, why was I letting this one negative experience bother me so much? I think it was because I started thinking about how some people are treated rudely often. I remember a letter to the editor from our local paper over the summer. An interracial couple had come to our area to visit Glacier National Park. They had gone to the drugstore for allergy meds, and while they were waiting for a prescription, a man was making threatening and racist comments and gestures to them, and no one around them stepped in. That interaction caused them to cut their vacation short because they didn’t feel safe. And the awe and wonder they had felt about coming to our area for a vacation was ruined by the racist man in the drugstore. It’s just not OK.

I thought about if that man in the battery store has kids, and if he treats them that way. I thought about if that man has a firearm because he clearly wasn’t in control of his emotions in that moment. If looks could kill. I thought about what I may have walked in on. Why was he so angry? What had gone wrong that day in his life, or maybe, what had gone wrong his whole life?

I thought about my role in things. Was I being a “Karen” because I stood up for myself? I hate that expression. Yet another way to silence women who dare to speak up on any given issue.

So, as you can see, I overanalyzed that 30-second encounter to death. It was taking up more space in my head than it deserved to. Maybe writing this blog post will help me to let it go.

I still have a broken key fob. I guess I’ll need to take it to the car dealership and pay a ton to have it replaced. I won’t be going back to that store for a while. Eventually, I’m sure I’ll have to for something I will need. Every experience I’ve had before in that store has been good. Maybe that guy will find a job he likes better, or maybe the management will give him a nice spot in the back room where he doesn’t have to interact with customers.

In any case, it just got me thinking about what kind of world we all want to live in. I prefer one where people are treated with kindness and respect, and that’s what I will continue to strive to do in all my daily interactions. Be kind. It is what matters.